How's Dan?

by Anthony Rowe

Read at Bart and Dan’s Civil Union Ceremony July 6, 2013

My friendship with Bart dates back to 1987 when we worked together at the Davis Street Fishmarket. Over the past eleven years, thanks to a series of fortunate circumstances, he and I have been teaching colleagues at The Skokie School in Winnetka. I’ve known Dan for eight years, and as I was thinking about what to write for today’s ceremony I came to realize that a question I’ve asked Bart over those years has changed.

“Are you dating anyone?”

(Time passes...) “Are you dating anyone? You are? What’s his name?”

(More time passes...) “Are you still dating that guy? What’s his name?”

(Some more time passes...) “Are you still dating Dan?”

(Calendar pages turn...) “How are things going with Dan?”

(Then...) “How’s Dan?”

“How’s Dan?” is not a question about the status of their relationship, but rather an affirmation of their commitment. Bart and Dan, as the rest of us were living our lives, periodically checking in on how things were going, the two of you were quietly and patiently building something remarkable and lasting. You were not always consciously aware of this building process, but every now and then there were days when you would pause to reflect, and you would realize the beauty and the strength of what the two of you had built together over time.

Today we are all here to pause and reflect with you and to honor the beauty and strength of your relationship. Today is a grand and glorious day. A day for you to celebrate your love for one another with those who love you. Today we offer words of admiration, encouragement, hope, and love. Today we will raise our glasses to you, and we will embrace one another in fellowship. Today we will tell stories, laugh, and rejoice. Today, Dan and Bart, is your day. You built this.

Tomorrow, we will all have dispersed, and the two of you will be on your own, together, in this beautiful home, with this beautiful garden, with Owen. And you will continue to build quietly and patiently. We will always be there for you, but this is your life to live together. You are each the constant in the other’s life.